Saturday, February 06, 2010

As the Crow Flies

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to visit the Toledo Museum of Art. It was an unexpected treat. While I stopped by to catch the last week of the LitGraphic exhibition, I took the time to experience the rest of the collections on display. I like visual art, but I'm not sure that I'd classify myself an art lover. I enjoy pretty and interesting things. I like thinking about talking about these things. I also like silent observation. Introspection. I scanned the "big" stuff (El Greco, Rembrandt, Matisse, Degas...), but I stayed in front of Picasso's Woman With a Crow for what seemed like a very long time. I don't know what drew me in; I've always thought of myself more a fan of modern art and mixed media, but I found myself captivated by the woman in the painting and the tender way in which she places her almost skeletal fingers upon what most would think of as a common pest.

At a dinner party recently, I commented to a friend that I apparently only want to write when I'm unhappy. That perhaps that's the only time I feel like I have something to day. It was bullshit, of course. The fact is that I am often times lazy. This is part of what keeps me from sitting down and trying to make sense of the thoughts in my head. I suppose another part is fear. Only a few weeks in, but this has been an interesting year so far. Part of me wants to stop time and try to hold onto it, but mostly I'm anxious to see where it leads. The end of the year saw two of my favorite people celebrating their love among friends and family (and me dancing on a balcony double fisting plastic cups of wine). Someone else very close to me was married this year. While I'm sorry it didn't provide the same opportunity to celebrate as other recent weddings, I'm proud of her for (presumably) making the decision on her own. And I'm proud of her for doing it on her own terms.

I've never had a plan for my life other than to be self-sufficient and to be happy. I've found no direct path for that and I think that's perhaps the greatest part of life -- getting there. When I figure it out, I'm titling it, copywriting it and taking it on the road.

1 comment:

Melissa said...

This comment is way belated, and not nearly as pretty (looking, anyway) as the first comment, but here goes:

I enjoyed your post, as always. I've always used that cop-out with journaling, too: that I only journal when I'm unhappy and I got tired of seeing pages of drivel so I rarely journal anymore. But really I'm just lazy. sigh.

Cheers to your friend who got married. I really hope everything works out for them and I'm glad you're feeling okay about it.

Self-sufficient and happy. Man, let me know when you get it all figured out. Seems you're doing a pretty good job at it so far.