I'm not a Chris Brown fan (even before the accusations of his abuse of girlfriend Rihanna were made public), but Rihanna is in heavy rotation on my work-out mix. She gets me over the hum when I'm halfway through the elliptical and just before I break into a jog on the treadmill. Last night she helped me find my way home at the end of a five mile walk run (mostly walk). Since she released her first single she's been a presence in every fashion magazine I've picked up and she and Chris (and their "secret" relationship) have been the talk of celebrity gossip columns for weeks. It's hard to forget they're just 19. When I was 19 I had a crush on (and eventually "dated" scare quotes intended) a college football player. He dumped me for an older woman who did his laundry (yes, I know you've heard it all before). I made my friend E drive by the "other" woman's house for weeks until finally I was over it. I was done. I don't really have a point with this except that 31, I wouldn't do that. And I was recently dumped (sort of) for a much older woman, so I've actually had the chance to test that theory out.
What troubles me more than the abuse (and don't misunderstand me I am troubled by that inasmuch as I would be troubled by anyone affect by domestic violence) is that Chris Brown's fanbase is largely young and largely female. Earlier today I read that his "people" were circulating an e-mail encouraging votes for some Nickelodeon Kids Choice Award. These same people are working hard to rehabiliate his career. I get it. Their careers are on the line as well. They have families, kids, mortgages, beach houses. Chris Brown is a product as much as he is a young man. I'm in marketing. I understand positioning. I understand packaging. If Chris Brown must be repackaged and resold, I would implore his "people" to stay away from young girls. They grow up so quickly already. They're sent so many mixed messages from the media and from television. It breaks my heart to think that seemingly mature intelligent adults would repackage and resell an abuser. What Rihanna and Chris Brown decide to do with their relationship and whether or not she chooses to cooperate with the investigation is no one's concern, but what we choose to do as consumers or as parents or simply as concerned adults is. I think we give celebrities in this country too much power and I get it. Celebrities are fun and interesting and their lives are so much more exciting that our own (or mine anyway). They get great clothes and make-up and get to go on television and make self-important acceptance speeches and spew bullshit about subjects they know nothing about (not that I'd know anything about that).
As Chris Brown and Rihanna embark on their media tour or write their book, when you see them on Oprah I ask you to pay attention to the men (and women) behind the curtain because they'll be there and I ask you to remember what he stands accused of and I hope that you'll think once or twice before downloading his songs on itunes or buying his cds. Some things are forgettable, some things are forgivable, but domestic violence isn't one of those things.
Friday, March 06, 2009
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6 comments:
I've been following this story like a hawk (as you know from my gmail status updates), and not because of my usual celebrity news fascination. My 13 year old niece LOVED (S?) her some Chris Brown and we've had a couple of conversations about this. I'm going to continue the dialog with her because, while this is a horrible, reprehensible event, I hope we can learn a lot from this situation. That: 1) domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of income or social status; 2) it doesn't matter who started the argument/fight, a violent response is NEVER justified; 3) these relationships are hard for anyone to escape and just because she's a big star and should no better, she's following a typical battered woman pattern right now. According to statistics, she will leave 6 more times (if this time even counts as "leaving") before she leaves for good; 4) strangling is scary (haven't had that discussion with her). It's one of the biggest red flags to domestic violence counselors/cops/professionals that he could kill her. Terrifying.
I hope Chris Brown's reputation doesn't get restored to quickly--which is even more likely since Rihanna seems to have forgiven him (this was a little more than a "mistake"). I would like to see this turn into a serious discussion about domestic violence.
Also glad to hear the urge to drive by wanes with age. I used to be a hard-core drive-byer in college!
Melissa,
First the important stuff. Drive-bys don't necessarily wane after college. It depends on the relationship. The one mentioned in the post was not drive-by worthy. In fact, after the dump one of my friends suggested that I walk right up to his door and demand an explanation or kiss him and I just didn't feel strongly enough about it to do either.
2)The statistics are what make this so difficult. Rihanna is a celebrity, a product, a role model(?), but she's also a nineteen year old girl (GIRL) with a lot of responsibility. Not only does she now have to deal with this situation as a person affected by domestic violence (I don't want to use the word victim), but she's got 100s of people with so many different expecations. I also think this points to a bigger problem with our perception of celebrity and reality. Just become someone sings us bubble-gum songs about love and lip gloss, just because we get lost in his pearly white teeth and slick packaging doesn't mean we know them. I hope this is used as an opportunity for dialogue and education (unfortunately at Rihanna's expense)and I hope we don't forget about it when the next single is dropped or when he looks to the audience of adoring fans of 13 year old girls who are just learning what it means to have a crush and are still crying in the audience believing one day they'll marry their idol and sings a song of regret and loneliness of heartbreak and frustration. I read on CNN.com that his best bet is to position himself to an older audience and forget about the youngsters (who hopefully have parents too smart to fall for this sort of thing). I'm guessing that has to be older teenagers, women in their 20's and maybe even (gasp!) women in their 30's. I'd like to think my peeps are too smart for this sort of thing. I hope so. Tina got even better after she dumped Ike and I think Rihanna has the opportunity to grow from this. Why has all this talk been focused on Chris Brown and his career anyway? Not only does Rihanna have to deal with her physical and emotional wounds, but the stigma of having been abused (and there is unfortunately still a stigma attached), but she has a career on the line as well. She has the opportunity to say to her fans, "I won't stand for this and neither should you." I'm glad the media is giving her time, but I'm interested to see what she does as well.
I was not a very good rape crisis counselor, but it was always difficult for me when the suvivors began making excuses for their attackers. It's easy to do. I read that entire, "He's Just Not That Into You," saying, "Okay, but..."
I'm not so sure that boys don't grow up just as fast - and are equally as impressionable as girls. Especially in this case, the social dangers are the same for both boys and girls.
Other than that I entirely agree with you, Chris Brown should officially retire to doing commercial jingles.
You know, I realize only now that the impact on boys is something I hadn't taken into consideration. I'm not sure what that says about me, but you're absolutely correct.
Good thougts..thanks for sharing this post with us...from every post there is some thing to learn...
I so enjoyed my visit to your blog....
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