Replaced

I wanted to start this little post off with a musical quote, but unfortunately I found out that Jesse McCartney sang that song and while I'm all sorts of dorky I'm not about to admit that I listen to the musical song stylings of Master Jesse. Anyway, it was a moment I knew would come eventually. I just didn't expect it to affect me in the quite the way it did. I've been replaced. My former employer (my first real employer) has found someone to take over the position I vacated a little over two months ago. I understand that it had to be done, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. She contacted me to ask a few questions about the position before she accepted it and I immediately went on the offensive (maybe it's defensive. I don't know. I don't really do sports.) "She's all wrong for George!" I whined to my friends. I really freaked out a little as I thought about someone taking over what I left behind and possibly doing it better.

It's funny how we forget the negative things when we leave a situation. I hated junior high. I was not a happy teenager. Those memories, however, no longer linger. I remember them, yes. But they no longer play an importance in my life. Instead, I choose to remember going to Mountain Stage with my friends. And drinking coffee. I remember smoking my first cigarette. And I remember other things, too. I remember refusing to go out with a boy who told me I was beautiful because something about him didn't feel right. I remember watching several weeks later as he bashed his girlfriend's head into a locker. No one's ever told me I was beautiful since. I guess all I'm trying to say is that I've never relied on the validation of others. My instincts have served me well.

So when I started to doubt myself professionally, I knew it was time to think about why I stayed. I stayed for personal reasons. I developed great relationships while I was there and while I certainly had some adversaries (perhaps the attorney who suggested the firm needed a "marketing professional", the same one who thought I did my job poorly and shared that sentiment with the entire membership), I was comfortable. I was complacent. I'm not having as tough a time as my posts might indicate. With the position open, I guess I thought somehow in some way it was still mine. It seems silly, I know. And so, officially, the position, my position has been filled. And I wish the new person all the luck in the world. She'll do things differently, maybe she'll do things better. I just hope she knows how lucky she is to be in such good company. And I hope she knows I wear a size 10 shoe, so she's got some big ones to fill.