--sage advice from a friend of spinster girl
Well, I'm not pregnant, but I definitely needed a change. It's been awhile. About a year ago, a friend of mine declared blogging so late 90's and suggested that it should be put away in a closet with Doc Martens and house music. And I guess for awhile that's what I did. I've been in an incredible funk. Paralyzed by the unfulmillment I was finding in my job, my station in life and the world around me, I found myself avoiding the things from which I find pleasure and instead coming home, (sometimes) walking my dog and lapsing into a near coma until it was time to get up and do it all over again.
I was ready to begin looking for a new job when I had a fabulous evaluation. Only time will tell if the glowing words used to describe me were in fact simple puffery or if there is indeed a change coming round the bend. I work in a very male dominated environment and for the most part don't have any female allies, at least not in my area of responsibility. I know that I'm smarter than I'm often given credit for and have become increasingly disheartened over the years when we sought to outsource things that I could be doing. Today during a meeting, the same thing appeared to be happening when a co-worker spoke up. "Spinster is a very good writer," he said. "Perhaps this is something she should do." Following was another meeting in which I again started to feel more than capable and that perhaps that sense of self I'd been missing all these months was finally on it's way back.
I'm starting to visualize myself as a professional. And after nearly four years, it's about damn time. My graduate school roommate used to have a poster on her wall and on it, one of her musical heroines has written, "If you can believe it. You can achieve it." I used to scoff. And it's hard for me not to do so now, but maybe my cynicism was holding me back. I believe that I can make things happen and I'm willing to wait it out and see if I might be able to achieve it. Part of that is this blog. I need a place to try to make sense of who I am and who I want to be. I need to get my words to paper and I need a forum to just be.
