Spinster Girl Takes a Holiday

My first real vacation in two years. I plan to live life like a luddite. Frosty beverages, mass quantities of sunscreen, shrimp and my pasty ass legs in shorts. No shoes, no cell phone, no lawyers; I'm happy already.

A Trend I am not Loving

Paris Hilton and Tinkerbell, I understand; Tori Spelling and Mimi Rose, okay. But the big haired lady at the Kanawha City K-Mart and her weird looking toy poodle? No way. I'm a total slave to my dog. When he looks at me with his cute little face, I find myself talking gibberish and grabbing a leash. Sometimes I take him for car rides, just because. But I would never take him where I know he doesn't belong and, further, I wouldn't carry him around like a baby (for one thing he's much too big for that and for another, no, just no). I know we're a little late to pick up on trends around here, but this is one I wish would pass us by completely.

The Sobriety Challenged Spinster Stays Home

So after drinking my weight in margaritas and falling asleep (um, passing out) on my sheetless bed last night, I'm taking a night off and spending it reading about Kirstie Alley's amazing weight loss journey in People Magazine and watching Big Brother All Stars on CBS. Yeah, it's an exciting life for a sobriety challenged spinster. Before deciding to spend the evening indoors, however, I ran into my current crush and his girlfriend with the cute, girly name. Like perms, scrunch socks and high top Reeboks, the sting of seeing your silly crush with another is something that I wish I could've left behind in the late 80s. I guess in some ways my crushes, much like those cringeworthy trends, are an indicator of who I am at a certain point in time and perhaps like said trends I'll look back on this crush and feel the same. When a woman reaches a certain age, though, I think there's a desperation that emerges where crushes are concerned. Instead of crying in my bedroom and writing in my journal because Jason (my seventh grade crush) doesn't want to dance with me I'm thinking about the wedding I'll undoubtedly be invited to in 12-16 months and impending baby showers and beaming rays of sunshine.

My Sober Spinster Evening was interrupted to attend to pressing pre-nuptial matters (not my own, natch) and blueberry martinis at the Vandalia Lounge. So I didn't end up spending the evening on my couch with a spoon of fattening dairy goodness, a glass of wine and my cat in my lap after all. Yes, I'm going to be a bridesmaid (again). Given my run-in with the aforementioned crush you'd think I'd be a little bitter, but I'm looking forward to having an excuse to don the ridiculously impractical (but stylish) dress and have the prom night I didn't in high school.

I'm sure there was a point to this post initially, but it's been lost somewhere between the blueberry martinis and stewing bitterness. I'm going to watch Degrassi: Next Gen and relish in my impending spinsterhood once again.