Dear Steve...

I'm probably going to burn in hell for this (or be killed by a crank addict), but in the spirit of Found Magazine, I found this in my front yard this morning.

Dear Asshole Steve,

Hey! I would liek [sic] to thank you for being honest. I told you I didn't want to make a fool of myself in some ways I already have! First by writing that letter and then by you rejecting it. I offered you something that I thought we both wanted Yeah, I think the sex would be good, but more than that I was offering for us to have someone to hold at night sometimes. The offer wasn't just about sex. You said you had only one-night stand [sic]. I understand that but what I was offering was a friendship with a few extra's [sic] having someone to hold if sex woulda happened that was fine. Yes, I would like to have sex, or what I wrote in the other letter, but you made it perfectly clear Wed or Thursday night whatever night Mel brought that bottle down. Then I wrote that one and when worked [sic] Tuesday night you called and said you were waiting on the other. I had already put myself out there by writing the letter to start with then you wrote the letter back and even though it was a nice one it was a stiff rejection so like I told you I didn't think you wanted anything to happen. I know you were probably just making a comment that night because of the crank or whatever reason. But I have already let you know how I feel. I don't intend to make a fool of myself again so if you want what I wrote in the other letter or anything else it will have to be you to let me know. Thank you for making me feel foolish and for letting me know your not interested in the arragnement I had wrote. Like I said let me know.

Obviously, there are numerous lessons to be learned here, but what I really wanna know: what the hell did s/he offer in that first letter?!